Vital Skill #4: Discover the Gift of Co-Regulation


This post is part of my Vital Skills series, a collection of 10 non-negotiable practices we absolutely must hone if we are to craft the loving relationships we truly desire. The word ‘vital’ has been used here intentionally for its dual significance; these skills are not only essential, they are life-giving. The time and energy invested in developing these habits…

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Vital Skill #3: Practice the Art of Appreciation


This post is part of my Vital Skills series, a collection of 10 non-negotiable practices we absolutely must hone if we are to craft the loving relationships we truly desire. The word ‘vital’ has been used here intentionally for its dual significance; these skills are not only essential, they are life-giving. The time and energy invested in developing these habits…

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Vital Skill #2: Move from Correcting to Protecting


This post is part of my Vital Skills series, a collection of 10 non-negotiable practices we absolutely must hone if we are to craft the loving relationships we truly desire. The word ‘vital’ has been used here intentionally for its dual significance; these skills are not only essential, they are life-giving. The time and energy invested in developing these habits…

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Vital Skill #1: Develop Binocular Vision


This post is part of my Vital Skills series, a collection of 10 non-negotiable practices we absolutely must hone if we are to craft the loving relationships we truly desire. The word ‘vital’ has been used here intentionally for its dual significance; these skills are not only essential, they are life-giving. The time and energy invested in developing these habits…

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The Importance of Importance


Dearest reader: I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell you this but, when it comes to your relationship… Everything you do matters. Every exchange either strengthens or weakens your emotional bond. Every strategy moves you either closer to intimacy or farther from it. Every action either supports or undercuts your values. Every decision is either unifying or…

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Infidelity First Aid


The revelation of an infidelity is an intense experience for both the offending and the hurt partner. The aftermath is a period of overwhelming shock, confusion, pain, and uncertainty. Partners have tremendous difficulty making sense of their own hurt, much less understanding one other’s. Most of us simply do not have the life experience to navigate this storm alone, yet…

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Lessons in Longing


We all know that feeling: the slow, fermenting desire for something missing; the visceral ache that roils within us; the bittersweet anticipation of that which we may never get. This is longing. Longing is among the more alluring qualities of romantic love. It is the spark that ignites our imaginations, fuels our passions, and drives the dance of chase and…

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Meditations on Loving and Losing


The seasons of life are temperamental. Some seem to bring success beyond imagination while others harbor endless sorrow. In those times when loss floats (or bursts) to the surface, therapy can be a blessed space for comfort and compassion. But while helping people to start coping with loss is an accepted part of the work, our role in helping people to quit denying…

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11 Resolutions for a Better Marriage in 2018


It’s common practice this time of year to make personal resolutions: lose weight; eat better; save more. But have you ever thought about sitting down with your partner and making resolutions for your relationship? Not only would you improve one of the most important aspects of your life, you’d have some built-in accountability! Here are a few suggestions to help…

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Finding Your Relational Voice


“There can be no voice without relationship, and there can be no relationship without voice.” -Carol Gilligan What is Voice? In my work with couples, I speak frequently about the critical importance of developing a relational Voice. Voice, as I use it here, is the capacity to say what we see, what we feel, and what we want. In short,…

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