Couples Therapy

Because Love is Our Legacy

About Couples Therapy

Love is our most important work. It is our glory and our power. It is, far and away, the best thing that we do. Underneath our outward striving for wealth, possessions, and recognition, there lies a deeper yearning for a total and lasting experience of love.

In the end, love is all we leave behind. The legacy of love is the most precious thing we can give our children, but love is so much more than something we pass down. When we learn to love well, we not only pass it onward, but outward and upward. Love is so powerful that it can actually heal the hurt and dysfunction of prior generations.

So why does this thing that seems so important also seem so hard to find and keep?

The reason is that love dredges up our hidden desires, our greatest fears, and our deepest hurts. When this happens, we either deal with what arises so that we can experience love more fully, or we find a way to shut love out. We numb, we lash out, we withdraw. We blame, we start arguments, we criticize. We engage in power struggles, we distract ourselves, we look outside of our relationship.

The good news is that while there are seemingly endless ways to shut love out, there are only a few secrets to letting more love in. You and your partner just need to learn the tools and how to use them properly. This is what couples therapy is all about.

In therapy you’ll learn:

  • How to uncover the hidden reasons you’re lacking the closeness you really want
  • How to communicate in harmonious ways so that you can solve problems creatively
  • How to recognize when previous history is “leaking into” your present interactions
  • How to identify which strategies are leading you away from intimacy
  • How to recognize when you are communicating from a place of fear and defensiveness and shift into a place that is more heartfelt and authentic

Each of us arrives in relationships with a set of “operating instructions” which we’ve absorbed from our culture, in general, and our families, in particular. Couples therapy is a place to critically evaluate these implicit rules in order to understand what is and isn’t working. In therapy, we look at not only the implicit rules that each partner brings with them, but how those rules interact. 

My “blame” is always on the pattern, never on the people. Most of us come by our less-desireable behaviors honestly, having observed them growing up or learned them in order to adapt to our early environment. The beautiful thing about relationships is that they challenge us to reach beyond ourselves and grow as individuals. You’ll be amazed how quickly things can improve after even a slight upgrade in your relationship tool set.

 

Reasons for Couples Therapy

Communication Issues

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Couples frequently seek help because they “aren’t communicating,” but I often find that what they really mean is they “aren’t connecting.” The communication is usually very clear, it is just overwhelmingly negative. I can help you communicate more harmoniously so that you get more of what you want in a way that promotes closeness instead of separation.

Sexual Concerns

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Communication around sex is often highly charged because of embarrassment and fear of rejection. I help couples prioritize sexual intimacy and discover new ways of expressing desire, longing, and fantasy.

Partner Infidelity

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Nothing throws a couple into crisis quite like an infidelity, but an emotional or physical affair doesn’t have to be a death sentence. I can help you both make sense of what happened and decide if staying together is right for you. If both partners are willing to give it another shot, I can help you create a new vision for your relationship and use the crisis as a turning point for deepening connection.

Power Struggles

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Intimacy occurs when partners approach one another as equals. Waning passion is often a sign that partners are locked in a power struggle that may even be occurring outside of awareness. I help partners resolve power struggles so they can return to a state of closeness.

Premarital Counseling

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We’re used to thinking of dating as preparation for marriage, but it might be better thought of as a way of finding a person who is worth our efforts. Merely spending time with someone does not, in and of itself, set us up for long term fulfillment. If you’re looking to tie the knot, I can help you have important conversations about finances, careers, family planning, values, and more.

Trust Problems

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Trust is the foundation of repair. When it is missing, even the most routine moments of disconnection can feel agonizing. I help partners examine what they are doing to damage the trust in their relationship, and to build new habits that promote safety and forgiveness.

Getting Started is Easy

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Free 20 Min Chat

Want to see if we’re a good fit? I offer free phone or online chat consults to answer all your burning questions.

Book Appointment

Ready to meet? Use my online scheduler to quickly and easily find a time that works for all of us.

1st Session!

Here’s where to go and what to expect in our first session together.

Frequently Asked Questions

What if my partner doesn’t want to come?

It’s common for one partner to be more invested in therapy than the other. If this is the case for you, it can still be beneficial to come alone. Positive changes are somewhat contagious, and often one partner adjusting their relationship “style” is enough to create substantial improvements.

If your case is more dire, we can discuss ways of getting both of you “to the table.” 

We’ve tried couples therapy before and it didn’t work. Are we a lost cause?

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Can you save my marriage?

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Contact Me

Ask a question or book an appointment below. For emergencies call 911, 512-472-HELP or visit your nearest hospital.

(512) 980-3838

2407 Marlton Dr. Austin, TX 78703

hayden@haydenmlindsey.com